i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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