just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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