Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
