It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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