the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
