everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
