We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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