btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize