I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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