so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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