census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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