now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
