He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
