i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
sarcasm needs its own font
you will always have a special place in my vag
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize