Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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