Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The ass gains better be worth it
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