i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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