just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
