The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
