im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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