I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
