I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
