Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
