im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
operation harelip BJ is a go
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
