well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
