Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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