I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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