he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize