I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
