do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
