cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
