Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
