Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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