please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
