yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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