She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
