I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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