how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
