i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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