but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
