I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
