i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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