Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize