i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
