Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize