So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
