We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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