The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
