It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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