My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
