this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
