Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
