I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
