I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
