I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
