so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize