I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
