Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
