Your dad touched me again.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
