I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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