So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
